dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
