Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
