capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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