ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
