In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I have tasted many bathrooms
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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