That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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