i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
