On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
soo... how was my night?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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