taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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