I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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