Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My ATM looks so different sober.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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