He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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