I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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