I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
