I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
