pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
