Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You made out with two different species that night
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
