My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
