just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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