i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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