I'm jealous of your bromance
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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