Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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