i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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