we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
