i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
