Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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