youre lurking in front of me
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
