Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
