I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
