You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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