You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
