and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
