he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
