can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Can I color on your dick again?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
