That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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