You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
