..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
