dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
