Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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