so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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