what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My dick has a subreddit
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
