At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
