we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Randomize
