is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
