he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
