Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
