Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Say something about gay babies.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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