dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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