You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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