happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
