You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
