I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
