i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
