Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
