what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
